Wake up Anxious Mum, YOU. HAVE. BEEN. SOLD. A. LIE. You’ve been told you can be, do, have whatever you want in life, but the truth is you never got to determine for yourself what your be, do have was for you. You’ve been told you can have it all, but what is the ‘all’ you are having.
Be a good Mum!
You’ve been told not only are you a Mum, but you also have to be the best mum. This of course includes being the best cook, the most present, a Montessori-sensory-play-magical wizard as well as having monk-like patience, care bear ooey-gooey love all the while looking like you ‘woke up this way red carpet effortless chic’. After all, what would that one bitchy shitty ‘my kid poops sparkle unicorns’ Mum think?
Be a Boss Babe!
On top of that, you can’t just be good at your job. No, No, No. No, No (said in my toddlers oh no you didn’t voice), you have to be CEO (and have a side hustle). You need to be the very best at your game. You need to come in every day and give 100%, actually, no! why stop there!?! You need to give 110% but please, do it with a smile and stop being such a ball-busting bitch (which is usually code for I am freaking exhausted and you, my underling are not doing your F(*King job – just so you know)
Be a Yummy Mummy!
And then let’s talk body and fitness. Of course, the message is body love and confidence. Flash those stretch marks and baggy pregnancy belly skin, but please do it with a filter. We love how real you are, but we also want you to be an athlete. If you haven’t worked out today for the mandatory 2.35 hours – please ‘check yourself before you wreck yourself. Clearly, you need some good old fashion hashtag self-love. #selflove #selfcare #mammaloveherself
Be a Real Housewife of Your Location!
Of course, this part goes without saying, but you are a domestic goddess, right? If not, stop reading this blog immediately and go spark some joy Marie Kondo Style? Have you color-coded everything home edit style? Are your meals that special combination of Jamie Oliver, Martha Stewart, kale infused goodness? Could you post them on Instagram and show me how your kid had all his nutrients cut into those ever so cute star and heart shapes. No white bread allowed in this house.
Be a Sex Goddess!
Now for the real stuff? Are you having sex? Can you perform your porn star gymnastics routine without raising a sweat on your perfectly shaped brow? Seriously girrrrrrrl, you need to go see Dr. Lee already. Botox is your friend and you are now in your …. 40s.
And if you haven’t posted how much you love life on Instagram is any of it real?
I want it ALL
You see, the truth is, I believe I want to be that mum and more. I see words like Queen and so desperately want to be part of the club. The reason – because then maybe I would be ok. Maybe I could be loved….. maybe I would be good enough.
There is no one telling me I have to be this way….
other than myself.
The problem I face is I love all those things. I love working out, I love a beautiful house, I want my kid to have all the love, nutrients, and trimmings I can give him. I want to be the best wife to my partner. I want him to be proud of me. I want work to tell me I am still excellent and I do struggle with some of the changes age brings. I want to feel beautiful, organized, and happy.
The way I’m going about it is anything but. I wasn’t born with flawless skin and a long lean body. The things I have in life are things I have had to work for. I didn’t have the easiest upbringings and I am still haunted by some of the fears and pains of being a little kid wondering if anyone really loved me.
I want to be ME!
I have bent myself out of shape trying to be perfect while also at the same time rebelling against it by being a mess. AHHHHHHHHH the contradictions of it all.
I worry a lot. I think a lot. I second guess.
I put on a brave face. I lead a team and I coach on personal development.
And if I scratch a little deeper, I want to have the courage to really be myself and to love myself. To own my goals and desires and be unpoetically myself without having to demand everyone around me know about it. I don’t know about you, but I am so tired of reading these posts where the victorious cry is to scream to the world ‘if you don’t like me you can fuck off. This is who I am and you will bow down to me.”
I want to be the Real Me!
I want to know it in myself, in the quiet moments. I want to walk with it and let myself speak for myself long before I even open my mouth.
I want to be free of reaction to what others do and say. To be able to see them living their life and be neither offended nor elated by it. Just to feel content and happy because I live in the knowledge that I am me and I am happy being me and the progress I am making with building my life.
I want to be motivated to achieve my goals but not desperate for them and for the love of God, I want to no longer compare. I am so grateful I have never been a jealous person. I have however been someone who compares, always looking for where people are better than me all under the guise of having it somehow to help me grow. I still want to be inspired by others but not at the expense of my identity and self-worth.
I want to get off the rat race and live life according to me. I want to embrace my contradictions. For such a long time I have said, the greatest act of self-rejection is when you make your yes, a no, and your no a yes. Saying yes to your highest self is the greatest form of self-love.
I feel embarrassed by things in my life, not because I actually care, but because I think I should care.
How can I be?
As much as I want to finish this post with a declaration of change, drawing a line in the sand, saying it has to stop now. I’m wise enough to know this decision is one I will make many times over and one that needs a lot of practice. I will end this post by simply saying
‘Today, I am willing and open to being myself. I am willing and open to living the expression of my highest self and releasing the perception I need to be any other way. I have the courage to live this way today.”