“Give birth to your goals – is pregnancy the secret to success?” hmmm… I wonder.
Hey Gorgeous Mamma,
Happy Friday and happy nearly Friday for some of you! 🙌🎉🥂
Hey Google, play T.G.I.F by Katy Perry
I’m not going to lie; this week has been a tough one because Ronnie and I have been in struggle street. We have been grumpy, argumentative, and just snippy. As strong as the word hate is, I haaaaaaaate when we get in what we call red corner blue corner.
Red corner Blue corner is the space where no one is listening to anyone and the goal of the conversation is to win points. Our argument approach is a mix of “take no prisoners” and a battle of wits.
When we fight, my first reaction is to get away fast. This includes withdrawing, closing down, and stop talking. I act like a petulant teenager being told they can’t go to their friend’s house on a school night, rolling my eyes with every lecturing point he raises.
Super attractive right?
Ronnie has a very different approach when we argue. He becomes increasingly logical and wants to talk about Every. Single. Fricking. Thing. All he cares for is the solution while all I care for is the emotion.
Neither approach works
On Wednesday night, right when I thought I couldn’t handle another minute of being near this human, something magical happened.
Ronnie gave me a hug. A full-body hug.
Immediately I could feel everything shift. All the arguments, tension, stress melted away. As I surrendered to his hug I cried and softened. I missed my best friend, the father of my child, and the love we share for each other. I missed him.
When we argue, we try to ensure Austin isn’t impacted by the fallout. We put ourselves second so he doesn’t have to be in the middle but as we hugged I had no issue Austing seeing the expression of this emotion.
Talking, strategizing, and trying to fix the problem wasn’t going to change a single thing, not unless there was an energetic shift first.
I have always been a believer in the power of vibrational frequency and the law of attraction, but I had never used it to change a situation.
Everything Is Made Up Of Energy
I met an awesome coach this week (who I will be working with). During our catch-up, I mentioned how I felt I had to fight for everything I wanted.
If I wanted to:
- lose weight – I had to fight for it
- Have friends – fight for them
- Be heard – fight to have a voice
- Achieve goals – fight hard
What is with all this fighting? What am I, a secret member of fight club?
Her insight was powerful. She said the notion of “fighting for’ was common for high achieving women.
Unfortunately, as women we have been encouraged, hell, TRAINED to go after our goals in a masculine ‘bust through the walls’ kinda way. We’ve been told we can do anything men can and having it all is our birthright. The issue with this approach is it leads to burnout, muffin tops, and snippy angry self-spirit women.
By fighting for the things you want in life, you never get to experience the beauty of what you’re creating. As women, we need to trust our femininity more and allow ourselves to create what we desire, rather than fight for it.
Trusting Our Feminine Self
I’ve often seen my femininity as something to be feared. I’ve either judged femininity as being weak, gossipy, or silly.
My feminine voice has always quietly encouraged me to slow down and create more and my masculine voice has pushed me to speed up and do more.
The feminine approach has seemed too good to be true. It’s wanted me to take care of myself, trust life and intentionally create. It’s always seemed like it couldn’t be trusted. That was of course until I fell pregnant. Falling pregnant was all about intuition, trusting my body and listening to what felt right.
As my coach asked me why I felt the need to fight, I instantly knew the answer
Fighting made life feel safe – it gave me a perception of power.
The Real Power Is In The Feminine
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being in a state of masculine energy. Masculine energy is good to get shizzle done. It’s only a problem when it’s the dominant means of achieving. A woman’s strength is not only in her doing but in the power of what she can create.
As a Mum, think about how powerful the experience of pregnancy and giving birth was. There was no ‘fighting’ in the creation of the baby. Everything just happened. You didn’t pull together a plan and force your baby’s eyelashes to grow, you simply nourished yourself as the results took care of themselves.
You didn’t run yourself into the ground to “achieve” your baby, you let it unfold naturally
I respectfully say this as I know for some conception isn’t always easy, hell it took me a lifetime to conceive as I was told it would be “impossible” to fall pregnant. Funnily enough, I fell pregnant when I was having a blast and had well and truly accepted, I would never be a Mum… but I digress….
Life and goal achievement is much the same – well it can be if you allow it
Imagine if we approached our goals the same way we approached growing our babies and bringing them into the world
Your Goal Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting Story
Fall Pregnant with your Goals
Do you take the time to visualize your goals, fall in love with them? Are you thinking about them constantly? nourishing them while taking extra care of yourself? Imagine how different it would be to invest the time in preparing for and welcoming your goals into this world. Wouldn’t it be nice to have time to get excited and evolve your identity into the Mum of your goal?
Give Birth to your Goals
Just like having a due date, imagine having a due date for your goals, however, this due date is not about when you will achieve your goal, but when to get started and give birth to your goal. Much the same way when you have your baby. You don’t complete the process of parenting when you give birth, your journey starts and you know life will never be the same again.
I don’t know about you but the goals I’m working on at the moment are more lifelong, lifestyle goals rather than outcome-specific goals. It’s not longer about just reaching a certain body weight; I want to be so healthy and vibrant my body naturally is at its best weight and stays this way because my identity and lifestyle have changed. Personally, I don’t want to achieve a certain vision for my family, I want to be warm, loving, and present to my family and create ongoing experiences and magic moments that over the course of a lifetime builds the energy and love of a strong family bond.
Parent your Goals
Every day I am learning to relax into parenting. There are good days and then wobbly days. With every experience, correction, experience I grow as a Mum. Although parenting has a lot of doing, we know being a parent is so much more than what you do. There’s a vibration and heart to parenting and as you learn more your identity as a parent evolves. This is the same for gaols, yes there are lots of things to do, but to truly experience and achieve your goals and have the results last your identity and energy need to shift.
So, as I sit here pregnant with my health and wellbeing goals, I notice my feminine voice isn’t so quiet and the energy of fight has disappeared. I feel refreshed and excited about the beautiful opportunity in front of me.
I hope you give birth to your goals